In our hectic lives, we sometimes forget how to express love. We forget spontaneous gestures, the unexpected gift, lingering in your partner’s embrace, taking out the garbage when it’s not your turn, listening intently, or even a simple “I love you” note.
Often, when we do remember to express love, we have so tuned out each other’s love language that the gesture goes unnoticed and unappreciated. Then, whoever made the gesture feels slighted and resentful. Soon, we are heading in a downward spiral!
“How can I express my love in a way my partner will appreciate and understand?” The answer is straightforward. You need to learn your partner’s love language.
What are the five love languages?
Dr. Gary Chapman coined the term “love language”. In The Five Love Languages, Dr. Chapman describes five ways that you can communicate love.
1) Affirmation
Many couples express their love by compliments or words. Choose words and phrases that build u your partner, such as:
“You look beautiful in that outfit” or
“Just seeing you cheers me up after a rough day.”
Is your partner messaging “love you” or “thinking about you”? If so, it is likely that “words of affirmation” is your partner’s love language.
2) Quality time
Does your partner show their love for you by giving you their undivided attention? Do they turn of the TV or put down their cellphone when they are with you?
If your partner makes time to spend just with you, going for a walk or having a real face-to-face conversation, it is likely that “quality time” is your partner’s love language.
3) Receiving gifts
Love is all about giving. Visible and tangible symbols of love, material gifts, is a specific type of love language. Even small gifts make the statement “I’m thinking of you”.
You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.
Robert Louis Stevenson
If your partner gives you frequent or thoughtful gifts, it is likely that “gifts” is your partner’s love language.
4) Acts of service
Actions can speak louder than words.
Does your partner go out of their way to fix your lunch, shop on the way home, bathe the baby, or clean the kitchen? These “acts of service” require planning, thought, and energy. If you do these acts with a positive attitude, they can also be a way to express love.
5) Physical touch
A kiss on the cheek when you leave the house, a tender caress when you meet in the evening, or holding hands when you walk to the care are powerful ways to express love. For many people, physical touch is the primary way they feel and express love. Without physical touch, they can feel unloved.
If your partner’s love language is “physical touch”, then gently touching your partner as you do household chores or a brief hug before you leave the house could speak volumes to your loved one.
Why should I learn my partner’s love language?
Chances are, you and your partner speak different love languages.
Differences between partners are normal and healthy. Couples like different colors, have different hobbies, tastes in food, and preferences in movies. So too, partners in a relationship have different ways of experiencing love.
Learning your partner’s love language enables you to broadcast your love on a frequency that your partner gets. When you learn each others love language you can more easily have a happy, loving, and mutually fulfilling relationship.
