Many children, teens, and adults are having trouble getting back to “normal” as we emerge from the pandemic. The loneliness that many of us felt during long periods of school closing and social distancing has affected many of us even as we are able to move towards pre-pandemic routines. Are you, or your child, experiencing social anxiety, panic attacks, or anxiety that interferes with your ability to live a full, rich life?
David, a bright high school junior, came to me for help after he experienced social anxiety when he went back to school. He used to look forward to meeting up with friends and was eager for the camaraderie of the classroom. He was eager to get back to being a regular teenager during the lockdown. When school reopened, however, David was upset to discover that he felt very anxious around people. He wouldn’t speak up in class, skipped after-school activities that he used to love, and started ignoring his friends’ invitations.
Why social anxiety and other challenges have become more common
People are engineered for being in a group. Many of us have thrived in the company of extended families, social groupings, school friends, and work colleagues. So, why does emerging from lockdown engender more anxiety for some people?
The answer is simply that some people responded differently to the abnormally low levels of social interaction during the acute phases of the pandemic. If your brain internalized the idea that social situations can be dangerous for you, or dangerous for people in your family, your brain might not just switch back once being with other people becomes safe. In other words, if you “trained” your brain to expect that being isolated is safe and socializing is dangerous, your brain training might not just disappear once infection rates drop or you get vaccinated.
David habituated his brain to associate being in a group with risk and being isolated with safety. When it became safer to resume group activities, his brain was still sending out danger warnings!
Psychologists refer to this experience as habituation. When we have an experience repeatedly (for example, social distancing) and don’t experience harm, our brain gets habituated to the idea that the experience is safe. In a positive example of habituation, a middle schooler can start going to school every day on the bus. Gradually, the brain will become trained to expect that taking the bus is safe and the middle schooler will stop feeling anxious about taking the bus.
What Covid-19 did to our brains
In the pandemic, social isolation was necessary. We needed to be cautious about being around people. Considering what we’ve experienced, it’s not surprising why some of us are experiencing debilitating anxiety. When we understand habituation, it makes perfect sense!
For many people who had an underlying issue with social anxiety but nonetheless managed, the pandemic was a disaster. The positive habituation that we had by being around people many times a day disappeared! Sitting in a classroom with a group, riding public transport, playing ball, buying a coffee, or getting a pizza, provide many points during the day when we experienced being around people helped our minds get the message it’s okay to be social in a group. When the natural interactions ground to a halt, your brain stopped getting the messages that counteracted your underlying anxiety.
When we need to be out and about again, when we need to speak up in class or in a work meeting, when we need to restart our social life, social anxiety can stop us in our tracks.
David was unable to just shake off his feeling that being in a group was threatening. He understood that it was safe to get back to routine, but he just couldn’t do it.
Getting effective help can help reduce or eliminate anxiety as you get back to embracing life
The good news is that what we learned through habituation can be unlearned in the same way. Re-habituation will be an important part of reducing your anxiety. Using exposure therapy and other strategies based on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), we can help you thrive. You can stop anxiety from taking control of your life.
In therapy, David built lifelong skills for living with less anxiety. Exposure therapy alleviated social anxiety rapidly. Talk therapy and mindfulness helped David learning coping techniques that are helping him thrive.
You don’t need to take this journey alone. At APS Counseling we will be an important part of your support system — providing expert care and motivation to get your life back.
